Day 19~ 31 Day Challenge

Day 19. 31 Day Challenge.

Views on disrespecting your parents?

Haven’t we all? I know in my teens, I was a pain in the ass. I wasn’t a bad kid by any means, I was MOUTHY! I thought I knew everything about everything and I was always right. I guess being raised basically by all women, it tends to rub off. Come on ladies you know what I am talking about. LOL! We don’t back down.

There were definitely times I was disrespectful toward my parents, more so my Dad. I really don’t know my Dad. What I do know about him doesn’t put him in a positive light. I’ve never really sat down with him and talked. I’ve wrote him a letter about 10 years ago, that he never replied to. I couldn’t tell you his favorite color or his favorite food, if it was on an exam. We’ve always had an estranged relationship. I mean I was a Mama’s boy, and of course being gay I am sure doesn’t make it easy on him. Here’s the thing. I have never come out to my Dad. I mean it’s obvious. But I’ve never said “Dad, I am gay”. Parents know their kids. He knows. Plus my siblings gossip like school girls. I don’t even think it has anything to do with me being gay. I don’t think he knows how to talk to me. I’ve questioned a few people in my family of why my Dad is the way he is. I get the same response by most, that’s just how he is. I think it’s a sad state of affairs, when you don’t know your children. I’ve been very lucky though, I have some wonderful positive male role models. Daddy Warucks Mark, Papa Sam and Papa D have been amazing men in my life.

My Dad and my best relationship is to not have one. We are cordial when see each other or speak, but there is no bond. We are both to blame, I just feel now as an adult, that is isn’t worth it anymore. I have no effort left. I’ve made amends within myself. Plus, I didn’t pack up and move 3,000 miles away without telling my children.

My Mom was a 4’11, 130 pound, 100% Italian woman, who was raised in New York. She had the mouth of a trucker, and could back it up. I was mouthy toward her, but she quickly put me in my place. I know my Mom was far from perfect, believe me I know. But I could always count on my Mom. My Mom played both roles as a parent. She did her best with all situations. We struggled a lot growing up. Yes there are things that could have been different, but without those struggles. I don’t think I would be who I am. It bothers me that we did struggle. It bothers me that we went without basic necessities. It bothers me that the fault, blame and struggle was put on my Moms shoulders. It bothers me that while one parent struggles raising children, the other lives a peaceful, drunk fueled life. How do you consider yourself a parent? Is it because you sent a Child Support Check? I am sorry, I DO NOT give credit to men because they pay their child support. It is your job, your responsibility. Just because you cut a check, doesn’t make you a Dad. A real Dad supports their children spiritually, mentally and physically. A real Dad knows their child. Just because you planted the seed, doesn’t mean you are a Dad, it makes you a father. There is a HUGE difference. The same if it were a woman. I have to slow down, I am getting worked up. It’s good, but I am getting off topic.

Yes, I did disrespect my mom, but it was on rare occasion. When I did though, I was terrified as if I just seen an 8 foot bear. LOL! How could I disrespect the person who provided all the tools, to mold me into amazing person I am? I am definitely my Mother’s son. Through and through. Respect is earned, not just given. I respected my Mom, because she respected me.

Nick xoxo